From Rain to Rainbows What I Resolve for the New Year

Happy New Year!

Oh, 2019.  You are a sight for sore eyes!

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Raise Your Hand If . . .

“Raise your hand if you have ever felt personally victimized by Regina George” the year 2018.

Well, I have.

*proceeds to raise both of my hands and both of my feet*

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From Rain to Rainbows

Yes, 2018 was tough.  But it turns out that I was even tougher.

The longer you live, there will inevitably be days when the sun won’t shine.

And sometimes in life, when it rains, it pours.

Now I’m not a fan of rain, but I know that

rain will make things us stronger . . .

rain will force things us grow . . .

and without rain, there would never be any rainbows.

Everybody wants happiness, nobody wants pain, but you can’t have a rainbow without a little rain

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Change of Perspective:  My Glass (is Now)Half Full

Despite all of the lows, I was determined to find the highs in what was left of my 2018.  I knew that finding them was going to be tricky and would require me to dig a lot deeper.  And in doing so, I immediately had to change my perspective towards all the things that were in my direct control.  Starting with removing people from my life that (were associated with or) caused me anxiety and/or pain during the year.

It wasn’t that I didn’t love some of them (because I do), I honestly just needed a time out.  I was completely and mentally worn out.  They had collectively worn me out.  And in return for taking this major step, I found peace and solace in surrounding myself with loving good-vibes-only-giving friends and family.  This was probably the most important thing for to do in order to heal and finally began grieving Chameka (read more about Chameka Scott by ESPN here).

Well that’s just what I did.

And you know what?

2018 ended on a good note.  Hell Yaaaas!

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Past Resolutions:  An “A” for Effort?

Adapting a glass half full approach really got me thinking about “New Year’s Resolutions” for 2019.  Which is different because most years, my m.o. is to steer clear of anything containing the words “resolution” or “goal” and is associated with incoming new year.

But there always are exceptions to the rule.  Like . . .

One year I did try the resolution thing.  And surprisingly, I accomplished 3 out of 5 resolutions I made that year (not to shabby, ah).  Even with that very moderate success, I still didn’t feel compelled to make resolutions an annual tradition moving forward.

So the next year, I tried to make a vision board with a few friends and that was a complete cluster.

Me + my ADHD + stacks of magazines + scissors + markers + glue sticks + various other art supplies = 1 very hot mess.

Honestly, I’m not sure if anything was ever glued to my vision board after 2+ hours.  And I’m pretty sure I managed to rub all the perfume samples from all of the magazines on my wrists, followed up with eating an obscene amount of 1/2 priced holiday candy and closing out our vision boarding session with a nap because well, I was now tired.

The result of the group vision boarding session was that. . .

I had no vision  *oh, the irony.* 

Despite my lack of focus, I actually think that setting (realistic) resolutions and goals can be great.  So this year, I’m going to try the “adult thing” and do the “resolution thing” for 2019.

So here it goes . . .

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 Here’s What I “Resolve” To Do

1.  Take My First Solo Trip Out of the Country  

I keep hearing it’s important to take at least one solo trip to another country in your life.  And as scary as this idea might’ve seemed last year at this time, my fear has magically morphed into courageous excitement and I’m up for the challenge.

Now where shall I go?  Stay tuned . . .

2.  Spend More Time with Family 

I’m an only child who, for a good portion of my life, wasn’t raised around my cousins, aunts, uncles and etc due to geographical constraints.  So family, other than my mother and father, wasn’t really that important to me growing up.  Now as I grow older (and hopefully wiser), I’m beginning to realize the importance of family.  Hence my recent move to Oklahoma.

For 2019, I resolve to really get to know my extended family.

3.  Connect More with Strangers 

I consider myself a cordial person when meeting a stranger.  I say things like “hi”, “bye”, “please” and “thank you”.  And as a product of my upbringing (now a reflex), I’ll typically make an inquiry along the lines of “how are you doing today?”  And it’s at this point I typically tag out.  But what if I took the time to extend the dialog beyond my usual rhetoric and actually engage with them for a couple more minutes?  Nothing big, unless the conversation organically led that way, just a few additional sentences.  Imagine what could be learned about each other from the different people we meet.

For 2019, I resolve to stop and take an extra minute or two to engage with people I meet.

4.  Slow Down and Live in the Moment More  

In the not-to-distant past, I always found myself short on time and always in a hurry.  My mantra (thanks to Sweet Brown) was, Ain’t nobody got time for that!”  My time was short and my patients were even shorter. It wasn’t until recently, despite successfully removing a major stressor from my life (read about it here), I realized how tightly wound I still was.  I would physically be “on vacation” but  mentally I wasn’t “on vacation.”  Ugh.

So for 2019, I resolve to chill the f’ out, enjoy what’s around me and make some memories.

5.  Ask for Help  

Ugh, why is it so hard to ask for help?  I mean really, it’s pretty simple to say, “I need help.”  But yet, I’m guilty of totally not utilizing my resources.  As an only child, I’m naturally independent.  But being totally independent is highly overrated.  In early 2018, I was forced to ask for help and utilize my resources in the planning of Chameka’s “Meek’s” memorial service.  I was a mess and there was NO WAY possible in hell that I could’ve done it by myself or without the help of Chameka and my close friends.  Their help, love and support showed me that asking for and receiving help wasn’t all that bad.  They also made me realize that asking for help isn’t a sign of failure but a sign of growth.

For 2019, I resolve to utilize my resources and ask for help.

Final Thoughts

I’d love to hear how did 2018 treated you?  What are your resolutions for the new year?  Please let me know in the comments below.

-✌🏽 & ❤️ (as always) Melissa

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